Act3: in which the purpose of life is explained, Janis is reborn, and the creator of the universe looks for coffee)
(Scene 6: the moon, Janis and death appear, and float upon the gray surface)
Janis: what are we doing here exactly?
Death: we are here to observe what man has reaped upon him.
Janis: isn't that kind of hypocritical coming from you, you reap life, and as such you are a minor doom bringer?
Death: Minor!!!
Janis: well you said you never actually got the job on the way here…
Death: look, just play along for a little while, then I will take you back to your body, and bring you back to life, okay?
Janis: (exhausted) fine.
Death: ahem… walk this way, spirit of the lost, whose mind of oil and tired life, has wandered to my shore; and see the doom, and man hath made, to ease thy weary soul.
Janis: that was beautiful, did you read that somewhere?
Death: no, I wrote it, why?
Janis: oh, its just really surprising to hear you write poetry, cause you are the spirit of death.
Death: well what other hobbies could the physical incantation of death is allowed to do? I can't play sports, I don't do acting, and I can't touch other people.
Janis: okay, just calm down…
Death: okay, sorry about that, anyways lets go… oh hang on, there someone over at Alpha Centauri who needs me, come on, well come back later (duo disappears off stage)
(scene 7: inside the spaceship, 'Akua and Kling are lying on the ground with ice on their eyes, and Deane is sitting with his head in his hands, moaning)
Deane: Last…Time…I…Ever…Drink…That...Ever…Again!!!
Ella: you said that the last 247 times.
Deane: 258 times, actually...
(Ella hits small gong, and the drunken trio cringe in pain, screaming and keeling over)
Deane: (pain driven) okay, okay, just stop PLEASE!!!
(Ella stops gong and the drunken trio return to normal conditions)
Ling: anyways, as I was going to ask before we got drunk, we were wondering if you knew where…
Ella: (shocked) (cuts her off) oh my god, Janis, we left him back on the planet; we have to go back for him!
Ling: (enraged) ahhhhh (flails arms for a moment)!!! Why can't I ever finish my request?!?
Godly voice: (booming) Because of us!!!
(Scene shakes then stops, as two figures appear in a burst of light)
Writer 1: hello (cheerily)
Ella: who are you?
Writer1: oh, I'm writer 1, and this is writer2 (indicates to companion)
Writer 2: hello. (Waves)
Writer 1: we are the interdimensional deities who possess the capabilities to construct and obliterate entire realities based upon reality and space-time.
Ella: what?!?
Writer 2: were gods.
Ling: oh, hey do you guys know the purpose of it all?
Writer 1: what "it all"?
Ling: you know: life, death, the universe, time, space, and all that rubbish…
Writer 1: oh, sorry, this is our third universe today you see our office ran out of coffee, so were looking for some more.
Ella: you can create entire dimensions, but you can't make coffee?
Writer m1: oh, universes are easy, just strap a timeline to a singularity in a big sphere and its sorts itself out; coffee is complicated, it involves trees, and weather, and seasons, and mugs, and grinders, and the digestive tracts of small marsupials from Australia.
'Akua: what?
Writer 2: look up Australian sweet coffee on Google.
Writer 1: (looks at watch) oh, the office bought some more coffee, see ya.
Ling: wait, what is the point of life.
Writer 1: oh, um…a big blue box.
Ling: what?
Writer 1: the purpose of life is a big blue box.
Ling: but the purpose of life can't be a big blue box!
Writer 1: (offended) why not?!?
Ling: it just can't!
Writer 1: I don't remember getting a memo that the point of the universe can't be a big blue box, do you?
Writer 2: no…
Writer 1: well three you go. See ya (fads out of scene)
Ling: no, wait, come back, come back!
(Scene fads)
Guide: it is a long held belief that the universe was created by a supreme and powerful being, known as god to the religious, or Bob to the acme planet creators head director, Mr. Crea T. Or (see hitch hikers guide to the galaxy). Since many culture have different views of god, or goddess, there is a multitude of gods/goddesses, whom each governed their own planets, for example ], the god of Feline 78 is a giant tuna, while the god of neighboring Isis 52 is a giant floating tofurkey called Mandy. This often creates obedience, the whole "I created your planet and could quite easily destroyed it if I'm a bit miffed, its not like im pure good, well I am, but not in the way you think", but some people, who have nothing to lose, sometimes attack these gods. This usually ends poorly, but Humanity is left alone because the god now has a lovely supper of chips and human wings. But, on this strange and wondrous of all days, Janis finally did that thing that has turned so many into $5 meals; he stood down a beast of supreme power.
(Scene 8: a small planet, resembling the moon, in which Janis and death float above)
Death: this will just take a minute, I will be over that ridge, and then when I'm done, we can go back.
Janis: sounds good to me.
(Death leaves stage)
strange voice: Janis
Janis: what the? (Looks around)
strange voice: Janis…
Janis: whose there, and more importantly, how do you know I'm here if I'm dead?
Strange voice: (angry) shut up and follow my voice…
Janis: okay, geez, calm down.
(Janis walks into a small spot, where there is a giant cup of tea)
Janis: oh, thank god, tea!
(Drinks some, then spits)
Janis: oh, god that cold! (Looks at table). Huh, a hot cup of tea (picks up, and pours it into bigger mug)
Strange voice: thank you, Janis Harlow!!!
(Tea slides off stage)
Janis: what the?
Big fish from alpha Centaura: I am the big fish from Alpha Centaura, and for you finishing my tea, I bestow upon you the secret of the universe.
Janis: you know the secret of the universe?
Big fish from alpha Centaura: of course I do, I've been sitting about for 3 billion bleeding years!
Janis: oh right. So go on…
Big fish at Alpha Centaura: the secret of the universe is…
Janis: yes!
Big fish at Alpha Centaura: is…
Janis: yes…
Big fish at Alpha Centaura: is…
Janis: yes…
(Scene ends)
Janis: oh come on!!!
Writer 1: (unseen) find out the secret of the universe, where Dean I, and what happened to death and the writers in the next thrilling installment of: The fish at Alpha Centari!!!